Wednesday, December 31, 2014

More doing less talking

2015 will be the year that I write and publish my book.  That is my commitment to you my reader.  I examined a lot of the questions that I was asking shortly after I lost my brother to suicide.

Why am I not putting everything here? 
For one I'm actually writing my book.  I want to keep that offline.

Instead of talking about writing this year I will write.  Each day I will write at least 10-15 minutes.

I have different people who are going to be reading parts of my book.  I am so grateful for these individuals.  If you want to be a part of this please let me know.

More doing less talking.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

12/30/14 update

The update today is that there really isn't anything to report.  Yesterday I had a few people offer to read my manuscript and help me out a bit.  So to them I give a huge "thank you!"

2015 promises to be a huge writing year for me.  I look forward to it.  More doing, less talking.

Monday, December 29, 2014

12/29/14 update

Today I pulled together some questions that I asked God and myself during those first few weeks and months.  I am pulling out the specific lessons that I learned that I hope can be applied to others who are suffering.

If you want to read and give feedback to what I'm writing please either email me or comment here to let me know you want to help.  I need some editing help.

In order for me to make progress with this I know I need others to help me.

My goal is to have somewhat of a not so rough draft completed by Feb 28, 2015.

If you want to be a part of my team please let me know.  I have limited funds, but I want to pay people as I am able.  Thanks for reading this and as you can tell my passion is overflowing at this point.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

12/28/14 update

The purpose of this blog is to daily update you on my progress of writing this memoir.

Mostly what I did today was to share the most challenging part of my journey. 

One of the major things I want to share with my readers is my struggle and how I was in the depth of despair but that I did specific things that helped me tremendously.

Please give me feedback about whether or not this type of update is helpful.  I wanted to daily write about my writing so that I keep writing! 

Again I want to commit to you and to myself that I will finish my part of the writing by the end of Feb 2015.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

What I wrote about today - My Memoir

I put more specific chapter titles for the book as well as talked more about who I am and who I am hoping to help through writing this book. 

My desire is to write a brief post most days to keep myself accountable and so that I can make sure that I'm making progress.

My official commitment to you my reader is that I will do everything I can in the next 60 days to have a solid first draft and starting to get things to the publisher.  I still am researching about publishers at this point.

Reminder: My why (posted before)


I'm re-posting this because I need to remember why I'm putting in all this effort.  Also so that you, my reader can be reminded that I need your help.  Ask me how it is going and how you can help (even if you don't think you have anything to add... you do because you can pray for me and the process).  Thanks!

My “WHY” for writing my book.

My first reason for wanting to write my book is that I have a story to tell and that I need to share it.  What I mean by this is that when I first dealt with my brother’s suicide I did not have any books to turn to twelve years ago.  I must share my story so I can help others.  I am currently struggling putting words together for this, but that’s why I’m putting this together.

My second “WHY” is because I have worked so hard doing a “brain dump” and I have found many individuals who can’t wait to read this book.

My third “WHY” is that it will help many people that I personally meet as a friend or counselor and others who read my book.  I knew from the beginning that I wanted to impact at least one person by writing this book.  I know I have done that already and I don’t ever want to stop. 

My fourth “WHY” is because I want to share this message as a speaker.  This will give me significant opportunity to impact others on a larger scale.

Please help me in this venture.  If you see me it would mean a lot if you could ask how it is going.  Regardless of my answer I appreciate it.  I will have hard times like I am having now, but it’s something I am very passionate about.  Thank you!

Friday, December 26, 2014

Committed in 2015 to complete my memoir

Ok, Nate where have you been since the beginning of December?  Well, I have be writing some, but mostly building my counseling practice.  It has been a lot all at the same time.

My commitment for 2015 is a completed memoir.  I recognize the things I can't control, but what I can control is whether or not I write each day.  The most helpful habit for a writer to do is... wait for it... WRITE.  I did that 100 days in a row and it was amazing.  That wasn't all that difficult because I knew what I was writing next (since I was "downloading" from my journal).  It's a lot "harder" now, but now I get to form my thoughts into something that will make a dramatic impact in the lives of my readers.  Please pray for me in this.  It's hard for me to write about such a difficult emotional topic.

No excuses for me in 2015.  I want to at least share a thought or a question or something with you, my reader each day in 2015.  I may miss some days, but I want to generally have something posted each day.  I need the extra accountability.

Also, if you are a writer yourself please contact me personally.  I want to surround myself with others who are writing.  Especially if you are writing memoir please contact me via email.  natewagner08 at gmail dot com.  I would love to get together for some coffee and a chat.

If you are a writer and you help other writers get their work published please contact me as well.  I'm lost in the whole publishing world and would love your help.  I want to be able to pay you for your services and I will do my best to do just that. 

Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing from some of you in the very near future.

All the best!
Nate Wagner

Monday, December 8, 2014

Anger toward Brian which turned into understanding

Here's a section that will likely end up in my book.  Here's a preview of my rough thoughts. :-)

Anger toward Brian turned to some understanding
Some days I can feel the anger toward Brian like it was yesterday.  When I wrote my letter to him a few months after it happen I was so angry of how his action impacted me.  The incredible thing is that I had no idea what was going through his head when he completed this act.  I was angry for what I lost by losing him.  I was angry because my children would never know their Uncle Brian.  This hurts even to this day because the time of this writing our second child is due to be born at the end of April 2015.  It still hurts and I am angry about the reality that my wife never met Brian.  I am also angry at the fact that I never really knew him or what he was going through.  He never let me help him or listen to him or what he was going through.  It seems clear to me now that he had mental health challenges and that he did not know how to handle his emotions.


Now in 2014 this is very challenging for me because I am hard pressed to be angry at his decision.  I am not condoning his choice to end his life, but I believe he thought that he did not have any choice and that he wanted to ease the burden.  The ironic thing is that by him competing the act of suicide he actually increased the burden.  Today I believe that I do not have significant amounts of anger toward him. 

Saturday, December 6, 2014

My "WHY" for writing sibling suicide book

My “WHY” for writing my book

My first reason for wanting to write my book is that I have a story to tell and that I need to share it.  What I mean by this is that when I first dealt with my brother’s suicide I did not have any books to turn to twelve years ago.  I must share my story so I can help others.  I am currently struggling putting words together for this, but that’s why I’m putting this together.

My second “WHY” is because I have worked so hard doing a “brain dump” and I have found many individuals who can’t wait to read this book.

My third “WHY” is that it will help many people that I personally meet as a friend or counselor and others who read my book.  I knew from the beginning that I wanted to impact at least one person by writing this book.  I know I have done that already and I don’t ever want to stop. 

My fourth “WHY” is because I want to share this message as a speaker.  This will give me significant opportunity to impact others on a larger scale.


Please help me in this venture.  If you see me it would mean a lot if you could ask how it is going.  Regardless of my answer I appreciate it.  I will have hard times like I am having now, but it’s something I am very passionate about.  Thank you!